Monday, September 15, 2008

Living in the Wild Kingdom...

While talking with my husband the other day, he referred to our home as "the Wild Kingdom" and I had to laughingly admit that it was a pretty apt description!  I mean, what else would you call living with 6 dogs, 2 cats, 11 birds, a tortoise, and 6 kids?! Insanity does cross my mind, but only fleetingly...  *grin*

As I am typing this I have several love birds chirping behind me.  I had a pair of love birds who hatched out six chicks and I decided to hand raise all of them.  MUCH bigger task than I anticipated, requiring untold hours of feeding around the clock, cleaning of cages and chicks, and just dedication to the cause.  They are now all pretty much weaned so I am ready to sell three of them.  It will be sad to see them go, but I just can't keep them all!  I already sent Mom and Dad to a friend who wants babies....

Then I have my budgie, George, barking at me as he hops around in his cage, hanging upside down on his swing and flirting in his mirror.  Yes, I said he BARKS.  Like a dog.  He also rings like the phone but right now he's more interested in barking.  What can I say--he's a weird little bird.  

Bindi, the 'tiel, is rather quiet.  I guess the rest of the birds are making enough noise that she doesn't feel hon0r-bound to join in!  Thank God!

But let's not forget the kennel in the other room.  After we said good bye to South, my husband and I talked about getting him another large dog for him to walk in the evenings.  Ever since his heart surgery last June he has had to walk every day.  With the time change coming up and bad weather soon to follow he wanted a dog that he could take with him to the park so that no one would bother him.  Well, he went to the pound on a whim and there he found Brandy Rose, a 115 pound Saint Bernard, which I bought for him.  She is a whole lot of doggie, and he is in love with her!  She drools a little, but she is actually considered a "dry mouth"--hate to see what a "wet mouth" would be like!  LOL!

Then I finally got my Pomeranian puppy two weeks ago.  My husband worked the deal for me and I also got the sister puppy for my daughter's bf.  So now I have two little balls of fluff running around my family room terrorizing the family!  They are beyond cute but oh--housebreaking is a pain!  But I am so in love with them I don't care.  My little boy is Tavi (as in Riki Tiki Tavi) and the little girl is Jazz.  

And let's not forget the children!  Yes, I still have my "extra" kids.  School started a couple of weeks ago--thank God!--but of course that brings a whole new set of issues with it.  My house is trashed, I have laundry up to whazoo, and I always seem to be signing something or other for one of them...  

Oh--did I mention the beagle we rescued yesterday n the way to choir rehearsal?  Yeah.  He was in the middle of a busy road with a dazed and frightened look on his face and I couldn't just let him get hit so we turned around and picked him up and put him on the side yard for now.  I have an ad coming out in the local paper tomorrow for him.  And while I am at it I think I may advertise the love birds.  Anybody out there want a sweet hand-fed lovie?  Great pets!  *grin*

So yeah, I live in the Wild Kingdom.  At least I can never complain about being bored!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


Today I had to say good bye to an old friend. He has been getting on in years and lately he just hasn't been himself. The last couple of days I could tell he wasn't feeling good and I knew it was time. I just wish it wasn't so hard to let him go....

South has been a part of my family's life for the past ten years or so. My husband's best friend found him wandering on the streets when she was a home-health nurse and she brought him to us. He was a young and vibrant dog then, and had a tendency to climb over our six foot fence and go visiting when he got bored at home. A thyroid problem put an end to those frolicking days, however, as it caused him to get fat and impossible for him to heave his bulk over the fences anymore. But we made up for it by making sure he had a soft bed to sleep on and other doggy friends to hang out with at home.

South was the most patient dog I have ever known. Over the years we brought many a puppy and several dogs that we rescued into our home and he was a mentor and beneficent big brother to all of them. Sky. our Aussie pup, was fascinated by his tail, having never seen one before since neither she nor her parents sported one, and she would spend hours gnawing happily on the end of it. And he let her. When he got tired of her he would just get up and gently move away and she would gambol off and find something new to distract herself with.

South was always gentle. He never growled, never lifted his lip, never got disgruntled with anyone--except when I tried to brush his petticoats. THEN he got a little peeved, but never more than a glare and maybe a little push of his head as if to say "hey, have a care there--that hurts!".

My children have grown up with him as their protector, their floor rug, their couch pillow. He had a tendency to lay in the hall right at the doorway to the kitchen so that he could see everything and everyone in the house. Of course, that meant having to step over his hairy self many times a day but he didn't seem to mind! He was in the middle of his family and he was content.

When he first came to live with us, I remember getting exasperated with him because he was in the middle of my kitchen, which was small, and he was in the way because he was very large. I finally threw my hands in the air and exclaimed "Would you please sit down or lay down or roll over or something?!!" and much to my astonishment he proceeded to roll over! I was floored--I have never seen a full-sized shepherd/husky cross do a trick like that! I thought it was a fluke so I grabbed a cookie and said "Do it again--roll over!" And he did it again and sat up and laughed at me! How I would give anything right now to see that face laughing up into mine right now....

But he got old. His hips were very painful and the pain meds didn't seem to do much for him any more. His skin was itchy from the thyroid problems, and he didn't want to eat. I knew then that something must be very wrong, because South has always loved his food. At one point he was about 120 pounds for awhile and we had to cut him back to help ease the pain in his hips and joints. I knew he was in pain, but as long as he still had joy in his life and still loved his food I figured the quality of his life was good.

But the joy has been gone for over a week now. He has been laying around, listless and sad. I could tell by his body posture that he wasn't feeling good. And then he stopped eating and I knew. I knew.

I thought I was ready for it. I told the kids. Called my god daughter and told her so she could come and tell him good bye, because he was her dog first. He didn't even lift her head up when she came in the door and she started to cry. She knew it was the end also.

So my daughter, her boyfriend, and I took South on his last car ride. He always loved to go in the car--he would stand behind me and bark at the oncoming cars--believe me, I have had my share of near-misses because of being startled by a loud "WOOOFF!" in my ear at 50mph! The vet looked at him and couldn't really find anything wrong with him other than that he was in pain and very old--South was about 14 or 15 years old, which is a long life for a large dog. He said we could do tests but that really we would only be prolonging the inevitable. So I called my husband--South was really his dog after all--and asked him what I should do and what the doctor had said and we both agreed that if would be best to let South go. We didn't want him to suffer any more.

So I sat on the floor and cuddled his head in my lap and told him how much I loved him, and how he had been the best dog in the world and how much I was going to miss him. My daughter sobbed on his chest as the doctor put in the IV and sent him on his way to the Rainbow Bridge. I told him to give my love to Bahubhj when he got there and to wait for me, and he was gone.... It was simple, peaceful, and so deserved for such a loving friend.

It was when I got home that I realized that I have never walked into this house without him being here to greet me, and I fell apart. It hurts. Oh God, it hurts. I thought I could deal with it but it hurts a lot more than I thought it would.

I love you, South. You were one in a million. Good bye, old friend. I will miss you. Thank you for sharing your life and your love with me and my family. If dogs have souls I know I will see you again someday and we will go for a walk together just like we use to and I can run my hands through your thick fur and all will be good in my world again.

I love you South.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

A Gathering of Cherries

Thursday was the BIG DAY for me--I finally got to meet many, many Cherries face to face! The RWA (Romance Writer's of America) conference is being held in San Francisco this year and I decided that I needed to at least go to the traditional Cherry dinner that is usally held informally at the conference.

Up till this year it has always been more the "Hey, we are all meeting in the bar downstairs if you want to come" sort of thing, but this year Cory said "we should have dinner" and other Cherries said "yes that would be fun" and then Kim and Vashaili got together and figured out the place (Buca de Beppo's on Howard) and the menu (mmmm--Italian!) and then they posted a memo over on the Cherry Forums ( so that eveyone would know about it.

So I went.

I even took the day off of work so that I wouldn't be rushed or late or anything. Got my blouse dry cleaned. Washed the Tahoe. Bought some new shoes. I made sure that I left Modesto early enough in case the traffic got stupid (it did) or I got lost (I didn't). And I arrived at my destination almost 45 minutes early, so I decided to wait in the bar and have a drink. Do you know that I am almost 46 years old and that is the FIRST time I have ever done that?! Walked down a street in SF by myself. Ordering a drink in a bar, by myself. Sad, isn't it? What a sheltered life I have lived....

I was SO nervous--this was a HUGE deal to me, meeting Cherries. What if they didn't like me? What if they didn't know who I was? What if at the last minute something happened and they CANCELLED the dinner? Oh God, I started thinking of all the things that could happen and what I would do if they didn't show. Seriously! I am the sort of person that could get stood up by 40 people all at once--it could happen!

And then this lovely woman came into the bar and she was wearing--oh, praise the lord--Cherry earrings! And she saw mine and asked if I was a Cherry and of course I gushed and said "yes!" and thus I met Ann M.!! And then this whole herd of women came pouring through the doors and filling up the foyer of Beppo's and I realized that the Cherries had arrived! And Jill found me right away and gave me the most amazing hug! I love that woman....!!

And so we headed downstairs to two big long tables and we ate and drank and laughed and took pictures and laughed and talked and drank... I met Holly, who's name I have seen onlist since I joined way back when. She was so much fun and just as neat as I thought she would be. I met Michelle and Kim (Cherry Red) and Cathy and Jan (she came all the way from Australia!) and Dee and so many more--gosh, I was surrounded by Cherries!

I also got to meet one of my favorite children's authors, Robin La Fevers. She actually walked up to me and said "You're Sheri, right?" and then gave me a big hug. We are a touchy-feely bunch, the Cherries! I was thrilled--"she knows my name!" and we talked about our kids and her books and it was wonderful.

The evening ended with Jill insisting that I take home all of the leftovers since all of the Cherries were going back to the hotel and I have teenagers at home that would LOVE to eat the food. So she started packing up food at the other table and Holly and I started packing up food on our table and by the time we were done I had like six or seven pie-plate sized dishes of food! The bag was so heavy I wasn't sure I would be able to carry all the way to the parking garage to get my car! (And yes, when I arrived home the teens descended on the food like locusts and started scarfing it down as if they hadn't been fed in a week....)

So I walked Dee back to her hotel, which was just up the street from the garage where I had parked, and she told me about the cab ride of death. Guess the driver had seen too many chase scenes from "The Streets of San Francisco" or maybe "What's Up Doc?" because he managed to get air-borne a couple of times on the way from Fisherman's Wharf to their hotel... You can read about it and her experiences at the RWA here

Well, time for bed. Got home from Santa Cruz a little while ago but that is stuff for another blog tomorrow...

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Morning Musings....

It's Sunday finally. I love Sundays. I usually get up before everyone else and hop on the computer and check all my groups, email, and blogs that I read and try to catch up from the craziness that is my life every other day of the week. Usually I make coffee but today I am feeling lazy and didn't, though now I am thinking I should have....

George is singing away over in his cage by the front window. I love the sounds parakeets make, even when they get noisy and start squawking. George does have one annoying habit, however--he imitates the telephone! I can't tell you how often I or one of the girls has been sitting in here and we hear the phone ring and start looking for it only to realize it's George! LOL! Funny bird...

Ok--I'm back--with COFFEE! Mmmmm.... When I was up in Lincoln last weekend my gf blessed me with four boxes of Gevalia coffee. If you have never had this coffee, you really need to go online and order some. They have many different blends and roasts. You can get it ground or whole beans, decaf or regular. If you are a first time customer you can even get an awesome coffeepot! And if you like tea--oh man! They have an amazing assortment of teas... So yeah, you should check them out. You will thank me for it--really!

I had to go wake up the kids so they can get ready for church. The daughter's bf is playing drums for worship this morning and he likes us to be there for moral support. He is very good for his age, especially since he has never taken a lesson in his life.

My older daughter just hates him sometimes--not literally, but just the fact that whatever he decides to do he is good at almost right away! She is the opposite and it drives her crazy! "I want to be good at just ONE thing, Mom, ONE THING! And I can't even do that! AARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!" What she doesn't realize is that she has many talents but they aren't ones that draw attention to themselves. She has a kind heart, she is responsible and takes charge when she needs to, she is a hard worker and an excellent, dedicated student. She thinks of others before herself and is unselfish and caring. But these things don't make her GOOD at stuff, like sports or music or whatever and so she doesn't see that she is "good at anything" because of it. That's ok--I know what a treasure she is and that she is my diamond in the rough!

Well, I got a busy day ahead of me so I had better get started. Drank half a cup of coffee already, fed the kids, got one in the shower, two emptying the dishwasher so I can fill it back up, and now I have to do the girl's hair since I just had her throw it up in a pony tail last night after she washed it. Now I have to get it wet and condition it again and get some oils on it (she is biracial) or I won't be able to do a thing with it! So I had better get moving.

Sundays. I love them....

Friday, July 18, 2008

All's Well That Ends Well.....

Well, here it is, 1030 PM and all is quiet on the Western front. Sort of.

Food was good, if I do say so myself! The tri-tip came out perfect, hamburgers and hot dogs were plentiful, and they almost completely decimated my calico beans! All the kids swam and played and ate while the adults sat around and talked bus talk, since we all work together. Even my aunt had a good time, though she has retired from driving school bus about a year ago. there was cake and ice cream and even a couple of presents to be opened, so all in all I think the party was a success.

Now the teenagers all left to go to the bf's house to get some movies, and I think they are planning a t.p. party for later. I don't have to go to this one, however, since one of the kids has his own car. (Yes, I have gone with the kids--it was a lot of fun until one of the cars of kids got caught!! And my girls happened to be in that car, so there I was, trying to think how I was going to answer that call from the cops.... "Yes? Yes, this is J and S's mother. What was that? MY daughters were doing WHAT? I am just shocked--shocked, I tell you!!" and here I was sitting just down the street from them! LOL! But the cop let them go with a warning and we high-tailed it out of there, let me tell you!)

So I am just sort of cleaning up the worst of the mess--picking up plates and cups and half drank cans of soda and throwing them away. Tomorrow I will finish up and then get ready to go to the next party. I bought too many buns--I always do that! I have this dread of running out of them so I always get too many and they really don't freeze well, so I am going to call my daughter's friend and tell them I will bring hamburger buns tomorrow as well.

I asked the bf if he had a good time, and he said he did, so I am glad that we did this for him. My MIL came through and got him the cool hat I found at the Van's store--he was really surprised that she bought him a gift!

The dogs have been released from their various rooms of imprisonment. My chihauhau isn't speaking to me right now--she was really bent that she got locked up for the day I guess! My big dog is walking around licking up crumbs and whatnot that were dropped on the floor. Gonna let her out in the back yard in a minute so she can clean up the chips someone spilled by the pool--dogs are good for that, you know! The old dog is sprawled behind me on the floor, enjoying the A/C, and my daughter's dog is reclining on the sofa arm, waiting for her to get back from the movie run.

All in all it has been a good day. It was worth all of the work to see the enjoyment my daughter's bf got out of hanging out with his friends and celebrating his big day. But now it is time for me to go bury myself in my room and relax. I can hardly wait to get horizontal!!

Two Hours to Zero Hour....

So the countdown continues....

I just spent another $50 on supplies--paper products are amazingly expensive!! Of course, if I had half a brain I would have gone to the dollar store and bought it there, but then I would have had to drive to the other side of town and at $4.50 a gallon for gas and the fact that I drive a Tahoe made me think I was better off paying more for the paper plates and forgetting about a better deal somewhere else!

The beans are bubbling along nicely. I flipped the tri-tip again and the marinade seems to be permeating the meat quite well. The boys have swept and picked up the back yard and I have sprayed it down once already--just waiting to go out and spray it again with my bleach/Listerine concoction. I set the table in the house with the table cloth and plates and napkins I bought at Cash & Carry--great little big box store down the street from work.

Eddie just finished making the salsa--omg! Wish you were here to taste it! WOW! All fresh veggies in it--jalapenos, onion, tomatoes, garlic, cilantro--it is amazingly good! He grilled all of the veggies on the BBQ and then blended it all together. I may not eat anything else tonight.... *grin*

OK. Hubby is getting ice so I can ice down the drinks. I need to clean the floors and kitchen now that Eddie is done with the salsa. (He's the bf, btw). I think I am going to make a sign so that people will come through the gate and not the house--easier that way and I can shut some of the house off--hey, we can only clean just so much, ok?!!

OK--enough stalling. Time to get busy again.... Whew! I will be glad when this is all over. Oh wait--I have to do it all again tomorrow for Em's birthday party!! Oi.....

Party Countdown....

Ok--today is the BIG PARTY at my house for my daughter's bf's 17th birthday. They have been together for a year now and since he lived with us for a few months this past spring and all he is as much a part of my family as my own kids, so I decided that I needed to do something for his birhtday. Because of the issues with his own family (read above about living with mine) he isn't even sure they are doing anything to commemorate the BIG DAY, so I stepped up and said "who do you want to invite and when shall we have it?".

Remind me not to be so impulsive next time, ok?

I mean, come one. I am not a party giver OR a party goer. I never had a birthday party when I was growing up. Oh wait--we did stay home from camping one year and I had some friends over. I think I was 8. Or 10. Whatever. I was pretty young. One year I remember that Mom didn't even wrap my presents. Just handed them to me in a plastic bag and said "Oh here, open this, happy birthday, get your stuff packed" because we were behind getting out of the house to go--yes, every year we did this--camping. That's a whole 'nother blog in itself, but I digress.

Since having my two daughters I have had to learn how to give parties. The cake, the ice cream, the gift bags for the guests, the games. I loathe games. But the girls loved all of it, so each year I have wracked my brain to come up with fun stuff to do. One year my older daughter took her friends rock-climbing. There's a place in town that rents out climbing walls. It's in an old warehouse and he's got ropes and harnesses and it's really a lot of fun.

Since my older daughter's birthday is a week before Halloween we have done costume parties a few times. Her friends' favorite game to this day is bobbing for apples! As she has gotten older I have had to do more sophisticated stuff. She still says her 15th was her favorite--decorated the empty townhouse my MIL was selling with Halloweeny stuff, pizza and candy and cake and ice cream, bowling at midnight, movies and music and dancing 'til the wee hours with three of her best friends. Her Sweet 16 was a Black and Pink Ball--everyone had to dress up and wear black and pink! We decorated the garage with black and pink sheets (to hide the walls), had strobe lights, a fog machine, and music and food and dancing...

The younger girl has her birthday in July, so it's swim parties and food or the water slides. One year they painted pillow cases to take home with them. And when she was little we always had a pinata...

This past summer was the first time I gave a party for no reason other than "let's have a party!" slipped out of my mouth and into eager ears. Since then the girls' friends have begged us to have parties all the time. I don't know why, either. All I do is get a bunch of pizzas, sodas, and hook the stereo up outside and turn them loose. Go figure.

But today is different. Today I have people coming in from work who have never been to my house. The bf has made friends with several of our co-workers and asked if they could be invited. Plus he has invited some of his friends also. So I have been cracking the whip for the past two days trying to get the house and yard presentable!! Not an easy task when you have 5 kids who are better at trashing the house than cleaning it! LOL!

But at this moment I am right on schedule. I made potato salad last night. I have two tri-tips marinating as I write this. I vacuumed and shampooed the carpets yesterday after work. I just finished putting the Screaming Beans together in the crock pot and they will now just simmer until people start arriving around 5 pm. The bf is making fresh salsa and I have to go get propane and the rest of the food in a little while. I decided to put off buying the buns for the hot dogs and hamburgers until today so that they would be fresh, and I have to get some chips. Got the big cooler down for the sodas and water. Get ice around four and ice everything down.

Now I have to get outside and clean the back yard. It is all cement and we have dogs, so I have this little trick of spraying everything down with Listerine and bleach and it eliminates the odors. Works really well! And I have to make sure the pool is clean and all the toys are put up. And chairs. I have to get more chairs....

I may not know a lot about giving a party, but at least I am organized!! LOL! Now I am just worried about people showing up.... (sigh) Oh well, if they come they come. If not, I will not have to cook for the next few days!!

Check back later for updates--I will try and blog later!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

It's A Crazy, Mixed Up Life...

Sometimes I think I must be just a little bit insane. That somewhere in my genetic makeup lurks a crazy gene that will some day just leap out and and take over my mind and I will be reduced to a gibbering, quivering mass that my friends and family will regard with pity as they shake their heads and say "I always knew she would crack someday. Tsk, tsk. What a shame..."!

Oh please--do people actually say "tsk, tsk"?! Exactly. But the crazy thing--yeah, that could happen. Really.

Consider my life ovwer the past year. I was going along, content with my life, hoping for better but okay with how things were, when BAM! In June we discover that my husband has heart disease and my whole world turned upside down. He has surgery to correct some of the stuff, but a lot of it will take time to get better.

In July my youngest daughter meets a boy and I decide that maybe my rules about waiting until they are 16 to start dating may not apply in this situation, so with much trepidation I allow her to date him. Here we are, a year later, and they are still together. Who knew?

In February of this year my girlfriend sends me a text, telling me that she thinks she is going to have to place her three children into foster care because she can't take care of them anymore. WHAM! On my 20th wedding anniversay I got the strangest gift I have ever gotten--three more kids!

Since then my life has been a series of ups and downs as we have all had to adjust to three new people in our home full time. My 20 year old moved out (again) but his friend moved in! My daughter's bf had a lot of problems at home and ended up living with us for the rest of the school year. My oldest god daughter is also in and out, mostly dropping by (with impeccable timing I might add!) for dinner a few nights a week. At any given time I would be making dinner for 9 people at the minimum, and all this on a budget of barely $400 a month for food... Yep, I am the Crock Pot Queen, baby! LOL! And I am a hell of a shopper when it comes to groceries!!

So where does that leave me? On the verge of madness, I tell you! Really! If it's not the kids it 's the hubby, and if it's not the hubby it's the critters. Or it's a combination of all three of them!

So what do I do? I laugh a lot, cry a little, sing like no one can hear me and dance like nobody's watching because what else is there? You gotta keep on keeping on and all those other time-worn cliches.

Would I change any of it? I'm not sure. Even at it's craziest I still love my life. The little kids are doing so well now--most of the time they almost act normal, which is saying a LOT if you knew them before! My husband and I have a much healthier life-style, which is always a good thing. My daughter seems happy with this boy and he loves her--what more can a mother ask but for her children's happiness? My odest daughter is going into her Senior year with good friends by her side and a life goal of becoming a teacher before her. Life is good, surprisingly. Life is very, very good.

Crazy? Yes. Insane? Maybe. But it's the way I want it. Most of the time. And think how boring my life would be without all of the kids and critters to keep me entertained?!!

"Yep, she's definitely lost it now Mildred. Time to call the nice men in white jackets to take her away..." *grin*

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Long Time No Write

Wow. I didn't realize that I haven't posted here in forever.... A lot has been happening in my life over the past several months and truthfully I just haven't had the energy or the wherewithal to write anything, much less a blog. But a friend of mine pointed out my lack of posts over here and so I decided to at least drop in and make an appearance...

In June my husband was diagnosed with heart disease. He had two artieries in his heart 100% blocked and one was 80%. Needless to say he was put into the hospital for immediate surgery and my life was turned upside down. I spent seven days in the hospital with him, four of them in intensive care. I couldn't work, I couldn't eat, I barely slept. I had to be the rock for everyone--my kids, his family, my family--there was no crying allowed. He was a basket-case--he is deathly afraid of doctors and hospitals so this was a very traumatice experience for him. For him to even be able to deal with any of it I needed to be with him 24/7. And I was.

His mother was full of drama herself--reminded me of someone caught in a whirlpool, spinning around with her arms over her head and bemoaning the fact that he was ill, he might die, whatever. (not literally--she would never actually do that.) I have no time for drama, thank you very much. I listened to the doctors, made the decisions that needed to be made, and got down to what needed to be done. Practical, yes. Drama queen? Not so much.

But after it was all said and done and he was well on the road to recovery we had another setback. An Echo he had done came back with irregularities so they wanted him to do another stress test, which he had failed miserably previous to this and was what had started the whole surgery thing in the first place.

This did shake me up, I have to admit. Thank God my youngest daughter had met this boy and was dating him, because he has become the son of my heart and my rock through out this ordeal. Strong Christian, he is the son I wish I had been lucky enough to have had myself. He has helped the girls deal with all of this stuff with their dad, and has been their for my husband also. I couldn't deal with a second round of stress and need from all of them by myself this time and it was wonderful to be able to hand some of the lesser stuff off to him. What a blessing...

So now things are back on an even keel. He passed the test with flying colors and is doing well. The family is starting to heal also, though my youngest has criticized me for what what she saw as a lack of caring when I wouldn't cry in front of her. She doesn't understand that if I started to cry I would just crack wide open and never stop....

As for writing--well, I got three great stories in various forms of being. One is pretty solid and I have quite a bit written on it. One needs to have some more research done before I can really solidify it and put it on hard drive. The last one is so awesome--I just really love it and it is in note-form only but it is GREAT and will be the best of them all.